So then there was that time that I stuck my foot in a public toilet. Yeah, that would be how I rang in the New Year. I stopped at the store on the way home not long before midnight and just couldn’t wait to get home to go to the bathroom. So I deceded to brave the dangers of the Walmart bathrooms. I thought I was going to make it out safely, but then horror struck. I went to flush the toilet with my foot (because that’s what sane people do in public restrooms), but it slipped off the handle and plummeted into the horrible depths of a Walmart hell hole.
So I’ve decided that in 2009 I don’t need two feet.
Tequila, the 20 lb contradiction. This dog has been known to take on pit bulls and great danes fearlessly, and to hang so far out the speeding car window that his owner has to hold on to him lest he fly out. Yet when I took him to the office today (the only reason I’ll happily come in on a Saturday) he was so scared of the echoing stairwell that I had to carry him to the top. Then he sat shaking by the door of the women’s bathroom after I made him follow me in there so he wouldn’t wander off and pee on someone’s desk. He was afraid of the stapler and ran away. And then when confronted with the nice, carpeted, non-echoing stairwell, he crawled down them on his stomach after looking at me for a long time like I was trying to torture him.
I love my mother. She’s beautiful, loving, talented, and has more wisdom than I think I’ll ever have. Unfortunately, where God gifted her mightily in many areas, He did now give her the gift of photogenicness. (Yes, I made up a word. Deal with it.) When Pam and I took the pictures below with our wonderful madre we both collapsed in laughter and tears. Sorry to those around us at the Andrew Peterson concert that we may or may not have disturbed with our hilarity. These two pictures were just too classic and hilarious to keep silent about…and too good not to share. Maybe pictures shouldn’t be the way for me to share the moment with you in the future, mom. How about we just decorate something instead? Love you!
Like a good aunt, I introduced 4 year old Meredith to the wonders of makeup the other day. Any time she’s over while I’m putting mine on, she stands in the bathroom and watches me, asking what everything is. She was so interested the last time, that I asked if she wanted to wear some (after getting the OK from her mom). Of course she was all over that idea. So her and I got all glammed up together and I took this picture of us. It’s fun to have a little girlie girl to play with! It’s like having a living doll! Ok, maybe it’s a bit better than that. She is my niece, after all, and therefore genetically awesome. =)
I just had to show the world just how much I truly adore myself. I saw this shirt at Target the other day, and couldn’t pass it up. If they’d had enough in all the right sizes, I would have gotten on for all of my nieces and nephews. Am I modest? No. Do I claim to be? Not if I can help it. Do I rock? Heck yes I do!
This article from the NY Daily News is just one of the many reason’s I refuse to go out of Black Friday. When did material junk become more important than a man’s life? It saddens me.
Why is it that every time I decide to get a shopping cart at the grocery store, I always end up with the most retarded one there. Every time. It never fails. No matter what I do, I always end up with the one that bounces, squeaks, wobbles, moans, or all of the above. Why???
Don’t sing and dance to the Tootsie Roll for your friends with your back to the stairs when there’s the possibility of your Vice President walking up the stairs behind you with his camera phone. If, by chance, you do find yourself in such a situation, hope that you have friends that will stop you before turn around to see said VP laughing at you. Unlike Tynisha who was egging a sista on.
BTW, I’m in the market for some new friends…and possibly a new job.
1. I don’t really like eggs, mayonnaise, or mustard, but when combined and put between two pieces of bread, I find it quite delicious. Does anyone else find this odd?2. Candy Corn makes Halloween bare-able.
3. Every time I do my niece Meredith’s hair she gives me new, unsolicited advice on finding a husband. Maybe I should start listing to her; she may be wise beyond her 4 years.
4. If given the choice between cooking dinner for myself or just not eating, I almost always choose the latter. When I do cook, by the time I finish (which takes considerably longer than most cooks) I usually no longer want what I’ve made. I think it has to do with the mystery being taken out of it. I don’t like to know what goes into the food I eat.
5. Edy’s Pink Peppermint ice cream, which only comes out for Christmas, shows up on the shelf a little bit earlier every year. This is one time when I won’t complain about stores breaking out the holiday marketing seemingly before summer is even over.
6. Lately I haven’t been able to remember if I’m 26 or 27. I think this is a bad sign.
7.I feel bad for the poor men that I keep seeing driving the pretty pink Lynx buses. It seems so emasculating.
8. Sometimes when I take my contacts out at the end of the day, I think I can hear an audible sigh of relief from my cornea’s.
